oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
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