You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize