You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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