i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
