If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize