also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
worst night to have a conscience
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
