He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She even gives head with a lisp.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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