and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
