Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
