I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
