i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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