Is it normal to miss your booty call?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
