If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
