And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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