So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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