Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize