new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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