my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
