I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
