im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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