When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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