I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Randomize
