did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
