what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i wish my penis had a tongue
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
