Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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