thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
It's just like the Real World with babies
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
