i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Dick very happy bro
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I love you.
Bad choice
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
