Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
