I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
