Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
