We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
