rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My liver just had a heart attack.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize