His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
