Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
