this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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