The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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