i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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