My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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