She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
