3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
