Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
