Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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