I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
