The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
