I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
