Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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