I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
