Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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