Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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