My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
