How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
