You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
