I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
