there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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