I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The police scanner is talking about you again....
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
