Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
