He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
