If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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