i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
