you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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