theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
