i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
