my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
