Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
