I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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