I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
