I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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